


for i have hurt

by zjofierose



Series: (every now and then) on my mind - Angstober 2019 [4]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Background Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov - Freeform, Background Relationships, Character Study, Fear, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Yuri Plisetsky/Katsuki Yuuri - Freeform, Unrequited Yuri Plisetsky/Victor Nikiforov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zjofierose/pseuds/zjofierose
Summary: "how are you not terrified?"
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri & Yuri Plisetsky
Series: (every now and then) on my mind - Angstober 2019 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998550
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	for i have hurt

**Author's Note:**

> just a baby ficlet for a prompt from a 2019 Angstober list. originally posted as part of a multi-chapter ficlets collection; re-posting as a stand-alone.
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: there is a very brief mention of a drowning and body recovery that Yuri witnessed as a child, and likewise a mugging. Please don't read if either of those will be triggering for you!

“How do you do it?” 

“Do what?” 

Yuri leans on the boards next to him, his hair immaculately braided into place and a scowl on his delicate features. It’s almost insulting how perfect he looks, Yuuri thinks, and his skating will be just as unmatchable as the rest of him.

Yuuri, meanwhile is sweating uncomfortably into his spandex, his guts churning with nerves as he waits for their warm-ups to begin. 

“How are you not terrified?”

Yuri snorts. “Seriously, Katsudon?”

“Yes,” Yuuri says softly, turning to look at him fully. “I  _ hate _ this. It’s not always as bad, but sometimes…”

“You’ve won three gold medals, broken Viktor’s records twice, and you still get this nervous before you go on the ice?” Yuri asks, his tone incredulous. “What on earth are you afraid of?”

“That I’ll fall,” Yuuri tells him instantly, “that I’ll fail.”

“Everybody falls, Katsudon.” Yuri turns his attention back to the rink in front of them, glistening with fresh zamboni trails. “Everybody fails, too.”

“That I will fail, and that Viktor will leave me, and that my family will resent me, and that you will despise me,” Yuuri says softly. “That everyone will see what I’ve been hiding all along, that I’m worthless and useless and unlovable.”

Yuri blinks. “All of that from one fall, piggy? Really?”

“I never said it was rational.” Yuuri shrugs and looks away. He and Yurio are close these days, but it’s still always a gamble whether Yurio will engage in a serious conversation or not. Age has done little to dim his mercurial nature.

The silence stretches for a moment between them, casual and unacknowledged. The zamboni is making its final laps when Yuri sighs and speaks again.

“Look,” he says, “I know you grew up with like, your parents and your sister and Yuuko and Minako-sensei, and I get… I get that it wasn’t always perfect. I know you had your own shit to deal with. But it was different for me.” His hands are tight on the rail and Yuuri can’t look away from the whiteness of his perfectly sculpted knuckles. “When I was little, my mom had boyfriends who would hit us. When I was six, my friend drowned in the creek behind our apartment building, and I was there when they fished his body out. When I was nine, I was mugged at gunpoint for grocery money.” His voice is perfectly even, and Yuuri can’t breathe. 

“This,” Yuri gestures out at the muttering crowds, waving their flags and taking their selfies as they find their seats, “this is  _ nothing _ . What is there to be afraid of here? Some idiots who think they know about figure skating? A stupid fall?” Yuri sneers. “No one should be afraid of this, Katsudon.”

The zamboni finishes its lap and exits the rink, the boards overhead lighting up with the ticking clock for their warm-up. Yuuri pulls off his skate guards and steps onto the ice, turning to bend briefly toward Yurio. 

“Thank you for answering my question, Yuri-chan,” he says, and smiles softly. “You are truly amazing; gifted like you are, and afraid of nothing.” He turns and glides away, moving into the start of his step sequence at the far end of the rink. 

Yuri scowls. “Said I wasn’t afraid of  _ this _ ,” he mutters, pulling off his skate guards, his gaze following as Yuuri pulls up next to Viktor, his face wreathed in a smile. He drags his eyes away, tossing his guards on the floor and stepping onto the slippery surface to take his place with the rest of the spinning, circling cluster of other skaters. “Didn’t say I wasn’t afraid.”


End file.
